Have you ever been at a loss for words?

As I sit here thinking what to write, I’m at a loss. I feel as though my mind is turning the wheels of the same topics. I’m at a loss. Most days I sit here and within a few blinks of the cursor I’m off writing but tonight. I watched it blink for an uncomfortable amount of time. And that awkward stare is not fun.

It reminds me of all of those awkward silences you have with someone you just met. Neither of you know what to say and you sit and stare until someone makes an odd statement or one of you (usually me) makes the common, “I’ll be right back” statement.

Why is it that we are so uncomfortable in silence? I have struggled with mediation for years because I can’t quiet my mind long enough to actually be mindless. Is it because the world is filled with noise vying for our attention that it has become normal to be in constant go-go-go?

When I reflect on my own life, my time was filled to the max from an early age. And I loved it. It was my busy badge of honor. I think the older I get the harder it is to keep up that lifestyle. And fortunately for me, the last 3 years I’ve learned that it is ok to just sit quietly and stare. It is ok to be silent to allow another person the time to respond.

The more and more conversations I have with people about their health goals, the more I realize we are becoming robots of our lives. And a part of all of us wants to have this peace in our lives but because we are wired by our routines we have been conditioned to believe that the noise will at some point bring us joy. But it only continues to bring us more noise. Law of attraction is real friends.

If we want a peaceful mind we must allow the space for it. I started reading (actually listening) to the book Miracle Morning recently and I’m barely scratching the surface but the author spoke about an hour of self-development first thing in the morning. He had chosen 6 things to do, spending 10 minutes working on each thing. Silence (meditation), Affirmations, Visualization, Exercise, Reading and Scribing (journaling). I thought what a simple concept. Anyone can do anything for 10 minutes at a time, right?

Then I thought back to my past attempts to meditate… I don’t think I lasted for 2 minutes without wanting to get up and start tackling my to-do list. (Sigh) But there’s a glimmer of hope… What if, I could work up to that time? I have been on this quest for consistency in lots of areas of my life. I have written about it a lot lately but because that’s where my life is at right now…

Here’s what I know…

  • I have logged 318 days of consistent Bible readings. And have increased it to 3 bible study groups, one of which I lead.
  • I have written 41 days in a row. And have increased my goal from 600 words each day to 800 words.
  • I have jump roped 4 days in a row.
  • I have worked out 3 days per week for the last 10 weeks. Regardless of my trips out-of-town.
  • I have written down my top 10 goals for 56 days.

If I were to measure my success I would say that I’m becoming more consistent. And that my friends gives me great hope that I can continue to grow and become the best version of myself. I get that this are not huge leaps and bounds but I’ve had a change of focus in the past few months.

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” – Zechariah 4:10

Small beginnings my friends, that is all it takes. I truly believe that 6 weeks ago, if I were staring at the screen for the same amount of time, I might have walked away but with every small act of sitting here never knowing what to write but knowing if I started the words would come to me. I just needed to get started.

I love how that works. I honestly had no idea what my topic of discussion would be and even staring at the blank screen with nothing coming to mind. BUT I started taking a step by asking myself a question. The same question I asked at the beginning. I’m speechless, when was the last time I was at a loss for words.

That right there, is not my doing. I would have never thought or the correlation of mediating to the idea of awkward silences. Honestly looking back at what I wrote and if I had thought of it prior to writing it, I would have assumed it was never going to make any sense. And who knows, maybe it doesn’t make sense. In a roundabout way we talked about a lot and that’s what I’m loving about this writing business… it allows me to make sense of my own random thoughts in a way I couldn’t imagine. And for that I am grateful!