It’s easy for you to stay in shape, you already look good.
I would kill for a body like yours.
Where did you lose 20lbs, in your big toe?
These were the type of comments I would get when I was working towards bettering myself. They were harmless on the surface but deep down they made me question my desire to continue on my health journey. I often wondered why I wasn’t happy with the body I had. Wondered why I had no drive to workout consistently. Wondered if I was headed down the path of a unhealthy body.
I often believed that I should not be disappointed with myself for putting on the weight. My CG friends and I would joke about our body dysmorphia. I remember being on Chargers and thinking I’m so out of shape, I need to lose weight. I was 115lbs at 15% body fat… Seriously what was wrong with those numbers? But that was my reality. I wanted or felt the need to be better.
Fast forward 6 years after hanging up my poms and I felt morbidly obese. I had put on 15lbs and felt like if I didn’t change something soon, that number would just keep going up. Now I understand that that number does not sound like a lot, but it messed with my mind like no other. Those 15lbs felt like 50lbs. I was uncomfortable in my clothes, disappointed with myself for “letting myself go” even though I was a fitness professional. I became unbearable to my own mind. I would go to work, train my clients with a smile on my face and then go home and sit on the couch for hours, claiming to be busy living the life.
But on the inside, I felt alone, depressed and lost. I didn’t recognize myself. It became harder and harder to be happy when I went to work. There were times where if I didn’t have work, I laid in bed curled up feeling sorry for where my life was headed.
When I finally gave up on giving up, I did what any trainer would do… meal prep, 2-a-day workouts and drown myself in water. IT was HARD. I had never needed to lose weight. In the past when I was on Chargers prepping for photo shoots, I ate chicken and broccoli for a couple days and leaned out. But this was different. This was going to take longer than a 2-week prep for photo shoots. I knew this was going to take a few months. My goal was to lose a healthy 1-2lbs a week.
For the first 4 weeks, things were ok, I was consistent with my 4-hour meal prep on Sundays and my workouts were good. I was in pain but I was still working at it. Over the course of 8 weeks, I lost 8 lbs. But life was happening, I was the director of a high school dance team, decided to go back to school for massage therapy, and was still managing my PT business. Oh and we were planning our wedding. My Sunday meal prep wasn’t happening as consistently, workouts were my schooling and well if you’ve ever planned a wedding… you know the unnecessary headache that could be. (Full disclosure though, my husband took the majority of the headaches and planned an incredible day for us!)
But with all that “life” happening, my weightloss journey had hit a brick wall. The thought of losing more than those 8lbs felt like an impossible feat… I was tired. I was overworked. I was struggling.
So this 13 year fitness professional did the unthinkable. I asked for help. It was a humbling experience but in a crazy way, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had the support that I was often giving to my clients. And that was life-changing.
There I was the girl who thought she knew what she was doing but was struggling to be consistent. But that changed when my big brother, Bryan, shared with me about his journey. I’ll be honest, I was skeptical but I was more desperate. So I took a leap of faith and my world changed for the better.
After 10 days, I lost my original goal of 5lbs to get back to my CG weight of 115… but I wasn’t done. So I changed the goal and the results kept coming. Five weeks later, I managed to get down to my HIGH SCHOOL weight of 108!! If you asked me if I thought that was possible, I would have laughed out loud. But with the ability to be consistent without stressed made it possible.
It crazy to look back and think how people’s comments affected me so much when I was so unhappy. Now when I tell people I lost 20lbs and they make the comments, I smile and proudly ask…
Do you want to know how I did it?
Message me… There’s so much more than what’s written in this post… I’d love to share it with you.
I no longer feel the need to hide where my head is at, because it’s not buried deep in some dark lonely place. Let’s talk…