So it’s not the kind of addict you may have thought when you clicked on this link… I don’t have any substance addictions, I’m not a big drinker and I have never smoked a joint or cigarette and I don’t like gambling. But needless to say, I have some addictions that I have been working on.
To some these may seem childish to what others have had to work through. And I don’t take addiction lightly, at all. They are truly a challenge and I hope that if you do have an addiction that you are struggling to get over, I do hope that you have the support and the ability to get better, if you choose. But these are my addictions, there are only 3 that I have chosen to focus on but I’m sure there are more that I am not even aware of.
I’m a recovering sugar addict. Yup, I had a complicated relationship with sugar. To say I lived off sugar would be an understatement. I could easily have candy all day. The sugar kept me going from point A to point B with an extra pep in my step. But just little we had sugar high’s as a kid, I also had bad sugar crashes. Not so much in my energy on a daily basis but it would happen about every 3-4 weeks. I could go crazy work from sunrise to sunset (and then some) and be fine. Then I would hit a wall. I was unmotivated to even get out a bed. It was like the sugar I got in my diet was no longer working.
And I think the worst part apart my sugar addiction was that I never told anyone. I remember when I was much younger (fresh out of high school) I would go to the local grocery store that had the candy aisle that you could purchase by the pound. And boy did I buy by the pound, actually by 2 lbs. I would have this candy hidden in my car from my siblings because I didn’t want to share what my hard-earned money had bought. If you’re shaking your head at me in disbelief, it’s ok, I am too.
It’s been a whole week since I had candy. I don’t buy it often because I know myself well enough to know that I have no control, yet. But with each passing day, it’s easier and easier to say no. And what’s crazy is that the less I have it, the less I crave it. Ok that’s not that crazy but what is, is the fact that when I do have the cravings, and I have a piece of candy, it no longer satisfies me the way it used to. Progress!
When people asked me what my sign is and I tell them I’m a Virgo. They nod their head as if they are quietly telling themselves, oh ok that all makes sense now. You see Virgo’s are known to be perfectionist. Surprise surprise! haha I like everything in my house to have a place and then to be in place. I actually told my husband one time that I didn’t need him to make the bed. He asked why and of course I told him the truth. I said, “Well, to be honest, I don’t like how you make the bed. It’s not how I want it.” And before you judge me for turning down his help, I did say that I appreciated him for trying, but it was my own thing and that I really don’t mind doing it.
Another petty example, is how I handle my cash. All bills must be facing the same way and in order of value… 1’s, 2’s, 5′ etc. I know its silly but it’s what I like.
Besides the little things that are more a personal preference than perfectionism is more about my expectations of who I am “supposed” to be. For many years I carried around a huge weight on my shoulders about the expectations that I had of myself. I felt that if I did not live up to these expectations, I was not worthy of the good life. It was an expectation that honestly was never truly attainable because like all things expectations can change. As I got closer to living up to that expectation it was like someone moved the finish line. I was chasing a destination that never ended, and because of it, I lost the joy in becoming more.
I don’t know where this belief came from, maybe from the many countless hours I spent in the gymnastics center learning new tricks and perfecting them to the standards of others but in life I felt like I was losing the competition. Living to the standards of others, means you will always disappointment someone. But reality hit me when the only person I was letting down was myself. It has been the hardest thing I have to let go of but it has brought me so much peace in my life. For a long time I always felt like I was missing something. I know I have not found it but the idea of letting go of this idea of perfectionism has opened my eyes to new possibilities of growth, and that excites me!
Yup I’m addicted to my phone. It almost never leaves me side. I say almost because in order to actually stay focused on my writing I have to leave my phone in the other room, because it is incredibly easy to “just check something real quick”. And that real quick turns into a 15-minute scrollfest on Facebook or playing PandaPop. (Thanks to my dad for the PandaPop addiction, I’m now at level 426, smh!!!) Either way, my phone is my lifeline. When my husband and I are driving somewhere, I’m on my phone. When I’m getting ready for bed, I’m on my phone. I’m arriving or leaving a client, yup you guessed it, I’m on my phone. I like to use the excuse that my work is done on my phone but searching on Pinterest for new kitchen countertops is not necessarily work. This is the one addiction that I just don’t know how to recover from. I feel that keeping my phone in the other room as I write this is a start. And you better believe that I’ll take it.
I think another way I can learn to have control of my phone is when I’m out and about, keeping my phone in my backpack purse. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to pull your phone out while it’s ringing from a backpack, but let me just tell you its a pain. But I think it is important to engage with people around you… so there’s another way I can control that.
Welp, that’s it for now… That’s what I’m working on… Do you relate to my addictions? Or do you have one that you are working on yourself? I’d love to hear about it. Sometimes the first to making changes is becoming aware of what you want to change!