Staying in your own lane

This is probably the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn in life. We live in a world where everyone shows off their best. Whether it be on social media or in real life… No one shares their flaws or their struggles.

I remember scrolling through facebook awhile back and thinking, everyone has it so good… I’m falling apart over here. In my head, it was a constant reminder that I wasn’t good enough. Because someone on my newsfeed was getting engaged, getting married, having a baby or buying a home.

I wanted to have something exciting happening too. And I did, eventually. And you better believe I posted about it. I loved the attention. But like everything… things come and go and there are seasons of change. I hated the feeling when the seasons changed. And I would go back into comparison mode. I was already married and bought a new home and yet… it wasn’t “enough”.

Then something shifted in me. I wish I could pinpoint the moment but I can’t. But I stopped looking at everyone’s life and instead of saying “why don’t I have that?”, I started asking, “would I want that?” And a lot of times the answer was no. So I followed that up with a second question, “what would I want?”

What would I want?

It was a foreign question that I don’t think I really ever sat down and answered for myself. When I started looking at the big scheme of life… I was able to be grateful for what I had and yet be excited that there could be more for me.

I started looking at my life and what I was doing for it. It’s amazing to think of the amount of energy and time comparison takes from your own ability to create those exact same things in your life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m human. I still compare. It’s just in a healthier way. I look at people and ask myself, what can I learn from them. And then I see how I can apply what they do in my own life.

It’s given me a different perspective on life. I find myself being joyful for others knowing that they are on their own journey.

One of my good friends announced she was pregnant 3 days after I had my 2nd miscarriage. As I was going through my ordeal, I shared with her what was going on. As a great friend she was incredibly supportive knowing that she was pregnant and that her exciting news might hurt me.

And I’d be lying if the news didn’t send me into a minor cry fest but here’s the reality I cried… a lot. Then I journaled everything I was feeling. The craziest thing happened. I wrote absolutely NOTHING about her. I was hurting because of my OWN loss… not because of her gain.

That moment I realized I could be sad and happy at the same exact time. Why? Because we are in different lanes. That moment allowed me to see her the very next day and give her the biggest hug and truly be excited for her. She was sad for me, and she thought about how hard it will be for me to see her baby and not think “that would have been my baby”. I told her, I do that now when I see every baby born in June (the month that my first baby would have been due). So knowing that I had already gone through that once, I know I could do it again come Jan/Feb.

Am I naive to think it will be smooth sailing, no. But I am perfectly content with knowing, it’s just not my time… yet.

Staying in your own lane takes a lot of intentionality. I’m grateful for the women I’m surrounded by who celebrate everything and continue to lift me up when I have my struggles.

Life is not easy, friends. I hope you know that YOU ARE ENOUGH, just the way you are. And here’s the beautiful thing about life… if you want something, it is possible to achieve as long as you are focused on what YOU are doing, not the person next to you.