Today my dad came over because I needed his ladder for another project. (You would think we would have one with 9 foot ceiling and the number of projects I do, but we’re still working on that) But anywho, that’s beside the point. He also brought over my yearbooks. I guess housing them at my parents for 17 years is long enough.
So of course I had to go through them and look at the old pictures and see what everyone wrote. All I could think about reading all of the entries was “OMG, what the heck was I writing in people’s yearbooks?” I was laughing so hard tonight at what people wrote. I had someone ask me out on the same page that my boyfriend-at-the-time and signed, which was super basic and not the love letter I had probably wanted at the time. I had people tell me I was tough and stuff. And to stay sweet.
The best was when people started with, “How are you?” What does that even mean, you’re writing in a yearbook that won’t be looked at for YEARS… lol And you can’t forget everyone leaving the pager numbers and home phone numbers and the few lucky ones that had cell phones. Ah those were the days.
It made me think what if I could go back to high school and have a redo? What would I do differently? Or if I could give some advice to the younger version of myself, what would I say?
I’d tell myself three little but powerful words, YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Looking back to my high school days and even before then, I was the competitive one that had to be the best at everything. Back then I would have thought it was just the right thing to do, try your hardest, but I don’t know if I ever believed that I was enough. I know I wasn’t aware of the idea that I felt like I was constantly looking to fit in somewhere but in reality I fit nowhere.
I was the female version of a jock but I had the brains too (if I applied myself) but sports just came to me easier. I don’t ever remember having super close girlfriends but plenty of guy friends. I remember that during lunch time I would often be surrounded with the guys. But that was just because they were easier to understand. There wasn’t much drama.
My senior year was such a struggle for me. I was dance captain but never felt respected by my peers. I was a cheerleader but only for their competitive season. I was a starter on the soccer team and one of the only spring-board divers. In addition to that I also made up the entire gymnastics team with me, myself and I.
I don’t ever remember going to the parties or being the popular kid. I was in my own world busy with sports and school. Do I think I missed out? To some degree, yes but overall not as much. I feel like the fact that I did miss out on the social life of high school helped me stay out of trouble long after the high school years. But at the same time, I can honestly say I felt like I was a late bloomer.
High school was hard for me. I wish I had focused on being me more than trying to fit in with everyone. I wish I was more open to being social. I sometimes wish I wasn’t the goody-two-shoes everyone knew me to be.
I absolutely love Facebook for this reason. It’s like the ultimate do-over but without the senseless drama. Or I should say I am smart enough to stay clear of the drama. haha. But really its an opportunity for me to reconnect with people I knew of in high school but I didn’t actually KNOW them. And it also is an opportunity for them to truly know my heart. Something I probably never did in high school because I was so afraid that I would be hurt so I just avoided the topic.
On an entirely different note, I would tell myself that you don’t need a boyfriend. Oh man, would I ever. (insert face palm here). Don’t get me wrong I’m sure the guys I dated turned out to be great guys, but in high school, c’mon. NO GUY IS MATURE ENOUGH for a relationship. Shoot, I wasn’t ready for a relationship of that kind. If you are in high school right now and you’re reading this, please please please, give yourself some time to discover what you want in a MAN, no boyfriend in high school will be able to show you what you want. And knowing what you DON’T want is not enough to find your dream man! I’m just sayin’, I’ve worked out high school in my adult life and I promise nothing has changed since I was in school.
Anyways, oh yearbooks, such a good laugh.